Pokémon est définitivement ce que l’on pourrait appeler une super franchise. Depuis son lancement en 1996, ce sont des millions de jeux vidéo, mangas, objets dérivés et dessins animés qui ont passionné les petits comme les grands. Malgré le temps qui passe, le succès n’a jamais diminué, bien au contraire. Moi-même, après avoir résisté à la tentation d’acheter Pokémon Noir et Blanc, j’ai fini par craquer et me procurer une version Y. Je n’avais pas lancé un Pokémon depuis l’époque Or et Argent (et encore j’en ai peu de souvenir) et je dois bien avouer que j’ai totalement redécouvert l’univers des monstres de poche. Moi qui adorais vraiment beaucoup les premières versions (Rouge, Bleu, Jaune), je dois bien avouer que les derniers épisodes sur 3DS m’ont fait vraiment peur… Ceci n’est pas une critique, ceci est un appel désespéré à Nintendo, à Game Freak et à tous les joueurs.

 

Pokémon, c’est toute ma jeunesse. Ca représente des dizaines, des centaines d’heures passées sur GBA, à vouloir devenir le meilleur dresseur, à me battre sans répits, à tout faire pour être vainqueur, et gagner les défis. A ce moment là, rien de tout ce que je vais évoquer ne m’avait choqué. Cela est sans doute du au fait que depuis, j’ai grandi et mûri. Mais il faut bien avouer qu’avec cette licence Nintendo a entre ses mains une franchise quand même carrément malsaine.

Cette fois ci dans Pokémon X et Y, l’histoire de déroule à Kalos, un pays qui ressemble étrangement à la France (je vous renvoie d’ailleurs à cet excellent article de l’ami El-Koala). Comme d’habitude, le joueur incarne malgré lui la jeunesse désabusée et abandonnée du pays. Je dis ça pour la simple et bonne raison que la seule figure représentant l’autorité est notre mère et qu’il faut bien l’admettre, elle n’en a rien à carrer de notre éducation. Elle est même totalement pour qu’on se barre si jeune de la maison pour aller chasser des animaux et gagner notre vie ainsi. C’est ainsi que l’on part de Bourg Croquis presque sans le sou, sans repère et sans aucun sens moral. Question éducation, on a vu mieux. Et forcément, on va mal tourner (pas sur nous-mêmes hein… ).

003Dans Pokémon, on n’a qu’un seul rêve, et vous le connaissez bien si vous suivez les aventures de Sacha depuis 16 ans. Devenir le meilleur dresseur de Pokémons. Juste ça. Le même rêve que partage 4 autres gosses du village, notre crew, notre gang, notre famille (sisi t’as vu). D’ailleurs, au lieu de vous appeler par votre prénom, il préfère vous donner un surnom… Le mien étant Dieu, vous pouvez voir que cette jeunesse est aussi facilement manipulable. Mais à part ça, comment devient-on dresseur Pokémon ? C’est tout simple, tout d’abord, il faut choisir un Pokémon parmi les trois de départ (Feunec, Grenousse ou Marisson ; Feu, Eau, Plante comme d’hab’). Ensuite, il faut juste aller attraper d’autres bestioles après leur avoir joyeusement maravé la gueule, se constituer une team pouvant aller jusqu’à 6 monstres de poche (le reste étant envoyé dans des boîtes PC…) et affronter d’autres dresseurs. Enfin pas directement mais à l’aide des animaux que l’on a frappé, maltraité puis enfermé dans des Pokéballs (des sortes de cage mais très compressées). Tout cela pour atteindre notre stupide rêve. Et ce sont des combats à mort hein ! Même si l’infirmière Joëlle est assez douée pour les ressusciter, quand on atteint 0PV c’est la mort. Mais Nintendo a préféré atténuer le côté malsain ce jeu avec cette simple phrase : « Machin est K.O. ». Et ce n’est pas tout, car lorsque vous remportez vos duels, vous prenez le fric de vos adversaires.

Récapitulons : maltraitance et torture d’animaux, combats à morts (totalement illégaux en plus sans doute), rackets,. Quand je vous disais qu’on allait mal tourner… Il ne manque plus que du sexe, du sexe (oui c’est tellement bon qu’on en met plein) et de la drogue pour en faire un bon jeu.

005

Vous allez parcourir la Terre entière, traquant avec espoir les Pokémons et leurs mystères, le secret de leur pouvoir. Votre quotidien va devenir chasse, pêche et trad… braconnage. Forcément puisque le slogan dans Pokémon, c’est tout de même « Attrapez les tous ! ». A l’époque, quand il n’y en avait que 151, on avait tendance à s’attacher plus facilement à ces bestioles (en même temps, niveau design y’a pas photo). Mais aujourd’hui, avec les 718 saloperies différentes, on s’en fout totalement. On a en tête que l’aspect collectionnite. Et là est tout le mal de ce jeu. On attrape uniquement des Pokémons pour notre collection. On s’en fiche de savoir qui ils sont, d’où ils viennent et ce qu’ils aiment. Ils finissent tous dans des boîtes sur un ordinateur (certainement une métaphore de cages dans une cave glauque)…

004

Toutes les fonctions Internet n’aident absolument pas. Le slogan pourrait même être modifié à l’avenir contre « Echangez les tous ! ». A cause de tout cela, je suis devenu le pire des hommes. Le plus malheureux dans tout ça est que j’ai mis un certain temps à m’en rendre compte. Pour obtenir plus facilement des Pokémons, j’ai utilisé la fonction Echange Miracle. Vous envoyez une bestiole et vous en recevez une au hasard de quelqu’un dans le monde. Simple, efficace et qui peut parfois porter énormément ses fruits. Et c’est ainsi qu’une « merveilleuse » idée a germé dans mon esprit : pourquoi ne pas faire du trafic de Pokémons ? C’est ainsi que j’ai commencé à pêcher en masse des Magicarpes que j’échangeais sans aucun scrupule avec cette fonction d’Echange Miracle.

Trafic

Rapidement, j’ai obtenu des Pokémons que je n’avais pas. Mais cela était encore trop long. J’ai donc étendu mon trafic et ce fut au tour des Chenipans, Flamajous, Feuillajous, Flotajous et autres à devenir de vulgaires marchandises. A ce stade du jeu, ce n’était pour moi plus que des produits destinés à la grande consommation. Plus j’envoyais, plus je réceptionnais, je triais et renvoyais ce dont je n’étais pas satisfait. Aucune compassion, aucun attachement envers ces animaux. Imaginez maintenant cela à l’échelle mondiale. Des millions de Pokémons envoyés chaque seconde de cette façon là partout à travers le monde. Nintendo et Game Freak ont créé le plus grand réseau de trafic d’animaux de la Terre.

001

Et l’histoire se serait arrêté là si par malheur je n’étais pas tombé sur un Metamorph, un pokémon reconnu pour ses capacités de morphing et pouvant ainsi prendre l’apparence de n’importe quel autre Pokémon (et par conséquent se reproduire avec la majorité de ces bestioles). Pratique du coup. Il est devenu en deux temps trois mouvements ma poule pondeuse. Rapidement, j’ai eu des soucis avec la SPP (la Société Protectrice des Pokémons) car il faut savoir qu’un des plus grands maux de ces dernières années est sans conteste le proxénétisme des Métamorph. Puis il faut dire que si je l’ai obligé à coucher avec un certain nombre de Pokémon pour obtenir des œufs, c’était avant tout pour pouvoir ensuite les échanger avec d’autres membres de GameurZ (qui pour le coup ont fait pareil). Pour mieux gérer tous ces échanges, nous avons d’ailleurs créé un fichier Excel. Oui, d’un simple jeu, nous étions presque devenus une entreprise d’import/export de Pokémons. A côté la Team Flare (ou Team caca = les méchants du jeu) sont certainement des anges bien que leurs objectifs se rapprochent de certains idéaux nazis un peu chelous.

002

Jeunesse laissée à l’abandon. Racket. Combats illégaux. Tortures. Trafic. Proxénétisme. Dans ces épisodes X et Y, Pokémon lève enfin le voile sur sa véritable identité. Affublé d’un simple PEGI+7, Nintendo semble vouloir continuer à nier la vérité en cachant tous ces aspects les plus glauques sous des mini jeux kawaii façon tamagochi pour atténuer toute la violence de cette franchise. Mais arrêtons d’être aveugles ne nous voilons pas la face et cessons tout cela. Détruisons Pokémon (la franchise, pas nos bestioles) et relâchons nos Pokémons (les animaux cette fois ci) dans la nature ! Le combat ne fait que commencer… et je ne parle pas de combat Pokémon !

Vous êtes prévenus désormais !

signature_krystal_warrior

 

Evidemment, cette critique est un fake. J’ai gravé kiffé cet épisode Y. J’y ai passé des dizaines d’heures (72 actuellement au compteur) et je pense qu’il va encore tourner longtemps sur ma 3DS.
Les plus : Les animations, les graphismes, les trucs kawaiis, y’en a pour tous les goûts, INTERNET !
Les moins : Le scénario, la Team Flare, la difficulté du jeu

7 personnes aiment cet article



87 Réponses de ouf !

  1. Poussinmadikera dit :

    J’adore jouer à ce jeu ! 🙂

  2. Nems972 dit :

    Ce jeu est diabolique >w< xD

  3. El-Koala dit :

    Tu voudrais pas postuler chez Game Freak pour faire le scénario du prochain Pokémon ? Je pense que tu leur apporterais de bonnes idées. 😀

    Et merci pour la référence. 😉

    • A fond, si ils veulent m’engager je dis oui direct ! Par contre Pokémon risque de tomber du côté obscur de la Force avec moi aux commandes ! XD
      Et pas de soucis, ton article était tellement bien qu’il fallait le partager avec le reste du monde ! 😉

  4. Feambar dit :

    En fait, l’auteur n’est qu’un agent de la team Plasma, puisqu’il veut que l’on relâche les Pokémon !

  5. Haruka dit :

    Je pense que vous n’avait pas tout à fait raison ! Certe Pokemon, depuis ses débuts est particulièrement libre sur la façon dont on peut y jouer, et je ne pense pas que le jeu soit malsain en lui même mais plutôt les joueurs ! Ces joueurs qui choisissent de leur plein gré je jouer de cette façon malsaine et inhumaine envers les pokémons ! Ce sont donc vous (ces joueurs malsains) qui etes ignobles, de plus que vous niez votre inhumanitée en rejetant la faute sur le jeu…
    Mes amis et moi-même (et je suis certaine que beaucoup d’autre personne aussi) n’avons jamais utilisé cette manière aussi glauque : Pokémon (quelque soit sa version) peut être magnifique, améliorant les liens avec les espèces vivante, même si chez certains ces liens sont très cacher….

    • Haruka dit :

      « Je pense que vous n’avez* » (désolé pour la faute d’orthographe –‘ (il doit surrement y en avoir d’autres…)

    • CA REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND FOU CE JEU. CAY LE MAAAAAAAL !!!
      POKEMON EST LE DIABLE ! IT’S THE DEVIL !!!! BRULEZ LES TOUS !!! TOOOOOOOOUS !!!

      Si vous étiez arrivé jusqu’au bout de la critique, vous auriez remarqué que tout ceci était un fake.
      Bonne journée à vous

      PS : Pokémon c’est le mal !

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