Il y a maintenant des siècles de cela s’est réveillé un des pires fléaux que la galaxie ait connu. Un fléau d’une telle violence que la folie s’empara totalement des hommes et qui plongea l’Humanité dans les heures les plus sombres de son existence. Mais un jour, un mystérieux étranger débarqua de nulle part. Son but était de répandre la joie, la bonne humeur et le rire dans l’Univers. Et comme arme, il disposait du terrible Watdafuck.
A la base, cette rubrique permettait de partager beaucoup de hiéroglyphes (ou de dessins mais alors vraiment très moches). Au cours du temps, tout se diversifia et de simples dessins (tout pourris, on le rappelle), ce fut aussi des chansons, des vidéos et des guests qui firent leur apparition. Watdafuck est devenu ce qu’il y a de mieux dans le mauvais goût. Et c’est pour cela que nous entamons une saison 3.
T’as raté les autres Watdafuck ? HAN LA HONTE !
Quel plaisir de te revoir cher lecteur. Oui j’ai été absent longtemps et il fallait au moins ça pour me permettre de me ressourcer et de réfléchir à l’avenir de Watdafuck. Car comment crois-tu que je les trouve mes idées ? En me tournant les pouces ? Bon d’accord, c’est presque vrai. Mais bon, après deux années de bons et loyaux services dans cette rubrique, j’ai quand même envie d’évoluer un peu et de proposer quelque chose d’encore plus original qu’auparavant (et par extension aller encore plus loin dans les méandres de ma folie). Le défi est grand mais je ne porte pas le statut de Warrior pour rien. J’essaierai du coup de proposer comme lors de la saison 2 autre chose que des dessins. Le rythme restera mensuel car ainsi j’aurais le temps de bien préparer chacun des épisodes afin de publier des articles toujours plus riches et complets (même si bien souvent je m’y prends au dernier moment).
En tout cas, bienvenue à toi, attache ta ceinture et reste bien au fond du siège car la saison 3 de Watdafuck commence ici et maintenant avec un épisode spécial Grand Theft Toto… Je vous laisse méditer sur ce jeu de mot tout pourri et je vais me pendre.
Aujourd’hui, je vais te révéler quelques secrets qui ne sont jamais sortis des studios de Rockstar (ou de DMA Design à l’époque). Aujourd’hui, j’ouvre la boîte de Pandore et je te dévoile tout ce qu’ils ont voulu cacher depuis leur création.
Sais-tu par exemple pourquoi la vue dans les premiers GTA était aérienne ? Beaucoup de gens ont pendant longtemps pensé qu’il s’agissait avant tout d’une solution liée aux contraintes techniques de l’époque. C’est pourquoi j’ai décidé d’élucider ce mystère (en plus, j’ai eu un super prof détective qui a résolu de nombreuses affaires dont celle de la fameuse Annabelle).
Après quelques semaines de recherches intensives, j’ai fini par accéder à un dossier bien caché dans les locaux de Rockstar. A l’intérieur, un des premiers artworks du premier GTA. Âmes sensibles s’abstenir !
Ce n’est donc pas une contrainte technique qui les a empêchés de réaliser un jeu tout en 3D mais bel et bien l’absence de talents de dessinateurs des développeurs de l’époque. Dans un recoin sombre de leur studio, Dan Houser m’a même confié :
« Il ne savait pas du tout dessiner les personnages à l’époque… En fait, je ne sais pas s’il a appris depuis. Je dis bien il car il était le seul à savoir manier un crayon pourtant. A cette époque, il travaillait également au Japon où il publiait des mangas depuis 1986. On pensait que son talent nous aiderait à faire un super jeu. Quand nous avons vu ses esquisses des protagonistes, nous avons été pris de violentes convulsions et de vomissements terribles. La vue aérienne, c’était plus pour cacher son incompétence et aussi pour la sécurité et la santé de nos joueurs.»
Quand on sait ce qu’est devenu aujourd’hui GTA, on se dit qu’ils se sont quand même bien mieux trouvés ailleurs.
Autre petite anecdote rigolote, sais-tu, lecteur, que les créateurs de la série How I met your mother sont certainement de très grands fans de GTA III ? Vois-tu, l’un de leurs personnages a été directement inspiré d’un PNJ du célèbre jeu de Rockstar. Et si tu ne me crois pas, en voici la preuve.
Bon d’accord, c’est un peu capillotracté… et c’est aussi du grand n’importe quoi… MAIS tous les chauffeurs de taxi dans GTA III sont pareils et ressemblent à ça. Coïncidence ? Je ne crois pas. Enfin bon, rien de tout cela ne serait jamais arrivé si je n’avais pas refait GTA III avec Tétris, ce suppôt de Satan. Rien que d’y repenser, j’ai envie de me scarifier. Changeons de sujet tout de suite.
Je ne te sens pas très attentif, lecteur. Je sais, revenir comme ça d’un coup, ça fait mal au cerveau. Mais tu devrais être habitué quand même, tu as certainement survécu au magnifique feuilleton de l’été ? Tu étais aussi présent toutes les semaines pour les méfaits du CNC. Ce sont mes anecdotes qui ne t’intéressent pas ? Tu ne veux pas être culturé ? Tu veux du gameplay, c’est ça ? Tu veux me voir jouer, hein ? Ok.
J’espère que tu es content !
De toute façon, je me vengerai certainement….
Dans mon prochain épisode de Watdafuck !
Bonus : Quand y’en a plus, y’en a encore !
Toto ce génie ultime <3 J'espère qu'il fera un playthrought 😀
Toto reviendra certainement… Après savoir s’il fera un playthrought… faut que j’y réfléchisse ! :p
Très bon Watdafuck qui m’a une nouvelle fois bien fait rire, surtout avec l’épisode 3 de « Les aventures de Toto » qui me rappelle les après-midis que j’ai pu passer avec mon frère à utiliser ce bug ^_^.
Voilà un commentaire qui fait bien plaisir ! 😀
Avant ce Watdafuck, je ne connaissais pas du tout ce bug dans GTA IV comme quoi même en faisant des conneries, on peut apprendre des choses (inutiles certes mais quand même XD).
J’adore, comme toujours!
Et pourtant, gta est pas une série que j’aime, mais avec la dose de connerie, ça passe 😉
Merci beaucoup, cochon !
Si tu n’aimes pas la série des GTA, je te conseille de te tourner vers les Saints Row (à partir de The Third) qui pour le coup, ne se prennent absolument pas au sérieux ! Dose de watdafuck assurée ! 😉
Ho pinaise, j’ai rigolu là !
C’était l’effet désiré donc ne t’inquiète pas, tout va bien ! 😀
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